On Friday the sky dumped a massive amount of snow on my state. My town received a whooping thirty-seven inches in less than a twenty-four hour period. We were (and still are in some places) completely covered with snow. There are snow drifts almost as high as my townhouse. My parking lot was a sea of snowed in cars. It wasn’t until late Sunday night that it was finally “plowed” – but it wasn’t actually a plow that did the job but a huge front loader. My neighbors and I were stranded for days; much like the rest of the state. There is so much snow that some of the streets still haven’t been cleared yet. President Obama called CT a “State of Emergency”. It really is quite bad. It’s like nothing I have ever seen before. It is like nothing most people have ever seen before.
But worse than the cold snow is my lonely and aching heart. I am missing something. I am missing someone. I am missing a piece of me. I am missing a huge piece of me. Actually, I am missing two pieces of me. I am missing TWO someones.
One is my daughter.
This is the longest period of time I have ever been away from my daughter. I never realized what a big part of me she actually is. Well, maybe I realized but fortunately for me I never had to experience what it felt like lose that part of me for awhile; until now that is. Tonight will be the fourth night in a row that I haven’t seen her face or heard her laugh. It will be the forth night I have not kissed her goodnight. It will be four days since I have seen her smile or listened to her stories. It will be four days since I have felt her climb in my bed in the morning. It has been four long and lonely days.
I cannot even call her on the phone because I am afraid after hearing my voice she will want to come home and there is no coming home for Mia at the moment. You see, my parent’s street has yet to be fully plowed. There are people in CT who are virtual prisoners in their own homes – and my daughter is one of them, except she is not in her own home. She is not with me. She is under my mother’s roof – and care.
I know Mia is in good hands but this does nothing to ease the burden of my heart. It does not fill the emptiness of my house, nor the void in my soul. I miss Mia.
The second is Roger.
He has been out plowing for days – going 36 hours straight before taking a four hour nap just to go right back out to render service to crowds of ungrateful people who would much rather thank him with a nasty look or disgruntled word than think about the fact that he hasn’t slept a full night, seen his family, or eaten a real meal in days. But that is a different post – a post about the arrogance, ignorance, and self-centeredness of our society.
I miss Roger. I want to see Roger – and not only for a few hours of idle sleep. Although I cannot lie, seeing him sleep is a great joy to me because I can atleast be sure he is semi-rested when he goes back out – something that serves, a bit, to ease my worried mind. I want people to thank Roger. I want people to realize the service these men are rendering – even if they are only getting to your street three days after the storm. I promise you just as you have been stuck in your house they too have been stuck in that plow truck. Neither of you is having fun.
I want Mia back. I want Roger back. And mostly, I want noise in my house and mayhem in my life. I want this white world to turn colorful again, with the sound of my laughing daughter and her silly father. I want this snow to melt. And I want my family back. Now.
Unfortunately, for the time being, I am afraid this is wishful thinking. Unfortunately, for the time being I have to be contented with the knowledge that they are both safe and warm. Unfortunately, for the time being I need to be thankful and I am having a hard time doing that because I am too busy being sad and ungrateful.