Maybe you have noticed. Or, maybe you haven’t. Regardless of either, it makes no difference for the truth is the same. I haven’t written in awhile. I won’t make excuses. There need be none. The reason is this:
After receiving the above message I had a moment of doubt. I questioned what I was doing here and the point of it all. Am I only writing this blog for myself? Do I really think there is anyone out there reading this who benefits from it? Am I in some way harming my own child by writing about her life and all that it encompasses – the ups and downs of it? Am I in some way opening up the door to danger by posting pictures of my child and using her real first name? (Something that in retrospect I wish I hadn’t done. I wish I had used some alias, but when I started I didn’t think too.)
After spending a whole week mulling over these questions and others I arrived at one solid truth each time. This. Blog. Gives. It gives me strength. It gives me a place to direct my emotions. It gives me hope. The benefits I receive in writing out our daily triumphs and struggles are tenfold. I am able to better examine my feelings, my fears, my hopes, dreams, and needs from an outside perspective. I am able to dissect different situations because in writing about them I am better able to find cause and effect in a multitude of behaviors – both Mia’s and my own.
And, because of all of those things and more, this blog gives Mia a better mother. And what more does a child need than a mother who is good, a mother who is actively seeking to better their abilities to raise their own child. A mother who tries her hardest to give and makes due with the talents she has in order to do that.
Then there is you. This blog can give you insight into the life of a woman in over her head, who is trying her damnedest to make work what she has been given. This blog can give you a little glimpse into the life of an adorable autistic seven (almost) year old. It can also direct to the teachings of other autistics. It can help direct you to a little bit of truth. But it only can if you let it. And then, through this blog, you give back to me. You offer up your own thoughts, feelings, ideas and truths in the comment section. You give me hope. You give me courage and compliments, praise and criticism. You give me help.
There was one thing that person was correct about; this is not my story to share. It’s my life. And I share it without reservation. I share it with hope. I give it you in the form of words, written out on this blog.